Done

Im through with it. im sick of being hurt. it happens to me too much. so i have now deiced that from now on i dont expect anything out of people that way when they screw me over it wont hurt. im not going to hold grudges or confront people. im just going to let it wash over because i dont expect anything from anyone anymore. i also am done with trusting people i mean i can trust people - to a point. theres only 4 people i fully trust 100%

so that it no more hoping. no more expecting the best out of people. the only emotion i want to experience is happy, ive been hurt and silently crying for too long now

Sanity

Ive learnt a lot the past few days, not to jump to conclusions, try not to hold grudges, not over analyse things so much and try not to let my strong stubborn personality destroy relationships and just makes things worse and digg myself into a bigger hole. i know thats going to be hard because all these things are a part of who i am, there like natural instincts to me i do them without thinking witch is another thing i do alot.thankfully i do tend to forgive but not to forget, that means when YOU stuff up again and you think your not in the wrong ill remember the past and your wrong doings before so just because ive forgiven you dont think if completely brushed off what happened in the past.

Help Me

to understand why people hate others for no reason, why almost the whole year hates me when ive dont nothing wrong? i just got screwed over, AGAIN! is that fucking possible, how many fake back stabbers can there be in this world, i dont understand people and it frustrates me so much. ive cried so many tears over this issue i dont know why im so hated. ive done nothing wrong, nothing but be myself yet i get played and screwed with over and over and over again. am i that much of any easy target? am i too Nice? i dont fucking understand. i should just go creep up in a hole and never talk to anyone ever again, i mean whats the point it seems like everyones capable of backstabbing me and they probably have.


goodbye im just gonna go cry my self to sleep now

The Killing Lights

Right now im really happy with my circle of friends, i think i finally know who my true friends are and the ones who wont leave, i have also found some real good guy mates, not just jerks like i used to hang out with, guys that treat me with respect and say thing like, hey darl, night angel, ciao bella,hey babe and not because there trying to crack onto me or anything just because there actually decent witch for me has been really hard to find. i have a good feeling about this up coming year and it hope i pans out the way i expect but then again life never does but all i can do is hope and ill keep doing that to get me through it

DOWN IN FRONT

thats all i was saying to them damn drunks blocking my view of cat empire yesterday, but w eventually did see them so all is good :)
and santogold was friggin awesome. even though we kept getting knocked by druggos and drunks dancing (Y)
me and kelsey also arranged plans to one day swim in that fountain that was in he domain, she wants to ride to turtle braah but we decided we have to be drunk to do that
vanilla icecream with hundreds of thousands are too good, even if they confuses people who are high ( zzoommgg its like a forrestt!)

good day it twas



ive also decided the bitch who i last blogged about below that it's her loss i guess shes not worth my time.

Miserable At Best

I'm sick of being a convenience that can be used and then just thrown away when necessary. Someone that people chew up and then spit back out again. i know everybody gets screwed over but seriously i think it's happened to me more than enough times. i guess you never really know who your real friends are, people who you think are your best friends, that would never betray you can at any second turn right around and stab you in the back. you can never really trust anyone can you, because it sure they are there now but sooner or later they will be gone. I'm still in shock about the person who most recently fucked with me. this is the girl who i told EVERYTHING to and she did the same. this is the girl who's house i ran away to whenever my mum was being an abusive bitch and i needed to get away. I'm going to just have to try and accept that everyone who's with me now probably will leave me some time soon, because so far that's what it looks like.

Vacation

Its good to get away and clear your head, it helps you understand things better at home once you get back, and thats exactly what i did this weekend. went away and didn't think about anything about my home life until i got back and its all fallen into place, in my head anyway. my hearts calmed down now and has finally stop feeling emotion at any unnessacary moment witch is good.


i have also found another person (apart from Alex haha) that seems to understand my every single situation. He makes me feel like im not the only one who makes stupid mistakes. thanks for that buddy, you probably dont know how much i appreciate it.


anyway im glad my head is clear and my life is making some sense....for now anyway.

secret

i just got a truth box comment that Say's "i think you're a cool person who lets too many people take advantage of you". thanks who ever wrote that. Now I'm questioning if i even do. i don't know if i do or nor not but then again i read into things way to much. all ways. that's something i think i should try to stop doing this year. stop over analysing things. its a bad habit.

I also think im starting to fall for someone new. my god my heart gets me into trouble. it has a mind of its own and i dont like it. cant it just remain without emotion for a week please? that would be handy

Backfire at the Disco

I wanted to do something new to start of 09, so I've decided to start blogging. It's only been two days into the year and all ready i need some were to clear out my head, not sure that's such a good sign. Theres something that i did on the first day of the year that I'm not shure that i shouldive waited to do. A select few know what this is.

i also realy hate it when people try to make you feel guilty for something you feel is right, even though it may hurt, then you start to feel uncertain about what you've done. darn guilt trips. only drama queens use them =.=

well i am now single again for the new year. as soon as i took the 191108(L) out of my msn name 4 guys on my contact list got all happy about it because apparently theres nothing in the way of them getting me. haha good luck guys.


anyway im just glad im going away for the weekend to clear my head. i need to think about many things. hopefully it will all make sense when i get back