My Paper heart

Well it's finally summer holidays and all is well so far, its been non stop since school finished Wednesday. Last night i hosted Axel an epic goodbye party, i was partying from 11.30am till 3am. started off with everyone at the pool nearest my house with the music pumping, random hot guys with epic tattoos joined us ;) and the weather was just prefect, we had soft drinks and food, my big havianna thong lilo, i didn't have to buy any food/grog/drink all day since everyone else supplied it (Y) then at about 4/5 some of those girls left then we all went up to my apartment more people came, all the boys brought the grog, we played tipsy sing star and partied all night, then me and Daniel dnm'd till 3am while our mothers where out haha :) was a good day and has really gotten me looking forward to this summer, a change is in the air....

Boulevard Of Broken Dreams

:S whyhmm yes well where to start. i think ill start at how i will fail hsc Ive been so insanely nervous it but ill hopefully pull through somehow. also i still cant believe what Mr galea said in that meeting yesterday when i said i didn't believe in god, "its very fashionable not believe in god Zara" thanks sir good to know you think i choose my beliefs based on weather it is "fashionable" or not. yeap good to know you think i am really that shallow that's just grand. there are four members of the opposite sex that are annoying me greatly. how am i to good for you? why do you STILL manage to annoy me? why must you be so on and off and why must you still say stuff like that even though its over? men i swear, and people wonder why there's so many lesbians in the world.

despite that stuff life's going pretty alright i suppose, had an epic pool day at mine and have some really good events coming up, I'm so pumped for New Years at mine it will be grand, Casey's party was good also, court's slr camera ensured great results. speaking of slr's i get to borrow a friends one for the holidays, start my art major work i cant wait to use it =]

Out dated and Over rated

with so many beautiful people in the world, how can one feel good about themselves? Today i saw a picture of a girl i know and it was simply stunning, it made me want to seriously just slit my own neck. with so many people in this world it so hard to feel special. also I'm currently disliking being alone quite a lot. its a lot easier being single when you haven't had someone before, or a really good relationship that ends for reasons that just suck that either of you can really help i guess. but i am starting to like someone again and i don't really know what to do *sigh* i just miss having someone there i guess, like you always have your friends but sometimes you miss that someone who can say i love you and mean it, call you beautiful even if you don't believe them and get really excited when you see them and to put your arm around when you wake up in the mornings......

Rollercoaster, without the saftey bar

As soon as you feel your on top of the world again, a series of unfortunate events bring you down again. i feel invisible. Being home alone is just peachy when your sad (sarcasm that is you know just in case you didn't notice like no one noticed today)i hope everyone enjoys the silent treatment tomorrow k thanks bye

Broken Hearted Girl

Something insanely unbelievable happen the other day, a tragedy. I actually shed a few tears when i found out, I'm not even sure i want to repeat it but here it goes *gulp* The love of my life Jensen Ackles has recently become engaged to Daneel Harris. WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY. Me and Jensen are just made for each other, yes i know hes 15 or so odd years older then me and we have never met but no one obsesses over him like i do. It's just not fair, I'm just going to have to pretend hes single when i fantasise and when i was single there was still that slight chance ah.. Jensen if she hurts you , you know who to call and i will still love you, just slighty less now, but that's still a truck load

I Feel Infinite

One of the few good things that has happened previously is a swap of goodies with Amie.I Gave her one of my favourite books and my Micheal Jackson Rolling Stone magazine to read and she gave a Led Zeppelin concert DVD and two books to borrow, The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho ( witch i am halfway through) and The Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky witch i finished within the first few days of receiving it and i LOVE it. The main character has the most amazing music taste and its such a good story. I seriously couldn't put it down, even during my breaks at dancing i would pull it out and continue even if i only got a page more read. There was a poem inside it witch i want to share,it's a little long but worth the read;


Once on a yellow piece of paper with green lines
he wrote a poem
and he called it "Chops"
because that was the name of his dog
and that's what it was all about
and his teacher gave him an A
and a gold star
and his mother hung it on the kitchen door
and read it to his aunts
that was the year Father Tracy
took all the kids to the zoo
and he let them sing on the bus
and his little sister was born
with tiny toenails and no hair
and his mother and father kissed a lot
and the girl around the corner sent him a
Valentine signed with a row of X's
and he asked his father what the X's meant
and his father always tucked him in at night
and was always there to do it


Once on a piece of white paper with blue lines
he wrote a poem
and he called it "Autumn"
because that was the name of the season
and that's what it was all about
and his teacher gave him an A
and asked him to write more clearly
and his mother never hung it on the kitchen door
because of its new paint
and the kids told him
that father Tracy smoked cigars
and left butts on the pews
and sometimes they would burn holes
that was the year his sister got glasses
with thick lenses and black frames
and the girl around the corner laughed
when he asked her to go see Santa Claus
and the kids told him why
his mother and father kissed a lot
and his father never tucked him in bed at night
and his father got mad
when he cried for him to do it

Once on a paper torn from his notebook
he wrote a poem
and he called it "Innocence: A Question"
because that was the question about his girl
and that's what it was all about
and his professor gave him an A
and a strange steady look
and his mother never hung it on the kitchen door
because he never showed her
that was the year that Father Tracy died
and he forgot how the end
of the Apostle's Creed went
and he caught his sister
making out on the back porch
and his mother and father never kissed
or even talked
and the girl around the corner
wore too much makeup
that made him cough when he kissed her
but he kissed her anyway
because that was the thing to do
and at three A.M he tucked himself into bed
his father snoring soundly


That's why on the back of a brown paper bag
he tried another poem
and he called it "Absolutely Nothing"
because that's what it was really all about
and he gave himself an A
and a slash on each damned wrist
and he hung it on the bathroom door
because this time he didn't think
he could reach the kitchen

That last paragraph stuck with me especially..

Also dearest Roxy let me borrow Russell Brand's My Booky Wook witch i have started and it is hilarious, in sighting and also kind of sad some of the stuff that happened in his youth.It's made me fall in love with him even more, but of course he is with Katy Perry now isn't he (why are all my men being snatched up! :[ there are photos of him throughout his life and everything he looked immensely different as a child. people underestimate Russel. hes overcome quite a lot.

Splash and Dash

Today was quite the awesome. Went to the Beach with Steph+Axel+Jay. the beach was beautiful, everything was awesome. tanning while listening to Bob Marley oh yeah, i finally got some colour! no more I'm a white pommy look for me! I am also curious as to how our disposable camera shots are going to turn out =]

also i am sorry for i have not blogged in ages. my darn computer has been broken i almost died. i had so many thoughts bouncing around inside my head and so much Ive wanted to blog about. i don't know what i did with most of my thoughts before blogging.it's a good head space. i will update you on events and glorious findings and literature and events that have happened over the past few weeks, but for now i must depart, ciao!