Out dated and Over rated

with so many beautiful people in the world, how can one feel good about themselves? Today i saw a picture of a girl i know and it was simply stunning, it made me want to seriously just slit my own neck. with so many people in this world it so hard to feel special. also I'm currently disliking being alone quite a lot. its a lot easier being single when you haven't had someone before, or a really good relationship that ends for reasons that just suck that either of you can really help i guess. but i am starting to like someone again and i don't really know what to do *sigh* i just miss having someone there i guess, like you always have your friends but sometimes you miss that someone who can say i love you and mean it, call you beautiful even if you don't believe them and get really excited when you see them and to put your arm around when you wake up in the mornings......

Rollercoaster, without the saftey bar

As soon as you feel your on top of the world again, a series of unfortunate events bring you down again. i feel invisible. Being home alone is just peachy when your sad (sarcasm that is you know just in case you didn't notice like no one noticed today)i hope everyone enjoys the silent treatment tomorrow k thanks bye

Broken Hearted Girl

Something insanely unbelievable happen the other day, a tragedy. I actually shed a few tears when i found out, I'm not even sure i want to repeat it but here it goes *gulp* The love of my life Jensen Ackles has recently become engaged to Daneel Harris. WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY. Me and Jensen are just made for each other, yes i know hes 15 or so odd years older then me and we have never met but no one obsesses over him like i do. It's just not fair, I'm just going to have to pretend hes single when i fantasise and when i was single there was still that slight chance ah.. Jensen if she hurts you , you know who to call and i will still love you, just slighty less now, but that's still a truck load

I Feel Infinite

One of the few good things that has happened previously is a swap of goodies with Amie.I Gave her one of my favourite books and my Micheal Jackson Rolling Stone magazine to read and she gave a Led Zeppelin concert DVD and two books to borrow, The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho ( witch i am halfway through) and The Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky witch i finished within the first few days of receiving it and i LOVE it. The main character has the most amazing music taste and its such a good story. I seriously couldn't put it down, even during my breaks at dancing i would pull it out and continue even if i only got a page more read. There was a poem inside it witch i want to share,it's a little long but worth the read;


Once on a yellow piece of paper with green lines
he wrote a poem
and he called it "Chops"
because that was the name of his dog
and that's what it was all about
and his teacher gave him an A
and a gold star
and his mother hung it on the kitchen door
and read it to his aunts
that was the year Father Tracy
took all the kids to the zoo
and he let them sing on the bus
and his little sister was born
with tiny toenails and no hair
and his mother and father kissed a lot
and the girl around the corner sent him a
Valentine signed with a row of X's
and he asked his father what the X's meant
and his father always tucked him in at night
and was always there to do it


Once on a piece of white paper with blue lines
he wrote a poem
and he called it "Autumn"
because that was the name of the season
and that's what it was all about
and his teacher gave him an A
and asked him to write more clearly
and his mother never hung it on the kitchen door
because of its new paint
and the kids told him
that father Tracy smoked cigars
and left butts on the pews
and sometimes they would burn holes
that was the year his sister got glasses
with thick lenses and black frames
and the girl around the corner laughed
when he asked her to go see Santa Claus
and the kids told him why
his mother and father kissed a lot
and his father never tucked him in bed at night
and his father got mad
when he cried for him to do it

Once on a paper torn from his notebook
he wrote a poem
and he called it "Innocence: A Question"
because that was the question about his girl
and that's what it was all about
and his professor gave him an A
and a strange steady look
and his mother never hung it on the kitchen door
because he never showed her
that was the year that Father Tracy died
and he forgot how the end
of the Apostle's Creed went
and he caught his sister
making out on the back porch
and his mother and father never kissed
or even talked
and the girl around the corner
wore too much makeup
that made him cough when he kissed her
but he kissed her anyway
because that was the thing to do
and at three A.M he tucked himself into bed
his father snoring soundly


That's why on the back of a brown paper bag
he tried another poem
and he called it "Absolutely Nothing"
because that's what it was really all about
and he gave himself an A
and a slash on each damned wrist
and he hung it on the bathroom door
because this time he didn't think
he could reach the kitchen

That last paragraph stuck with me especially..

Also dearest Roxy let me borrow Russell Brand's My Booky Wook witch i have started and it is hilarious, in sighting and also kind of sad some of the stuff that happened in his youth.It's made me fall in love with him even more, but of course he is with Katy Perry now isn't he (why are all my men being snatched up! :[ there are photos of him throughout his life and everything he looked immensely different as a child. people underestimate Russel. hes overcome quite a lot.

Splash and Dash

Today was quite the awesome. Went to the Beach with Steph+Axel+Jay. the beach was beautiful, everything was awesome. tanning while listening to Bob Marley oh yeah, i finally got some colour! no more I'm a white pommy look for me! I am also curious as to how our disposable camera shots are going to turn out =]

also i am sorry for i have not blogged in ages. my darn computer has been broken i almost died. i had so many thoughts bouncing around inside my head and so much Ive wanted to blog about. i don't know what i did with most of my thoughts before blogging.it's a good head space. i will update you on events and glorious findings and literature and events that have happened over the past few weeks, but for now i must depart, ciao!

He Is The Cheese To My Macaroni

"In my opinion the best thing you can you do is find a person who loves you for exactly what you are. Good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty, handsome what have you, the right person will still think the sun shines out of your ass. That's the kind of person that's worth sticking with."

That's what i need to find.....

Also social was the shit. So much better then i expected same with my after party it was so much fun. everyone was so good and showed me the love for such a good night, and telling me i have the coolest mum, some of them still cant believe she was there mixing drinks for us all ahah =]

Ive also re-fallen in love with converse photography, its just the coolest. here is some of my fav pics i have found these holidays <3

Never Judge A Book By It's Cover

A few days ago my mum sister and i enjoyed a lovely lunch at Paddington Arms pub on oxford street. We went along oxford street to find a funky clothing store named Rif Raf (and yes the name reminds me of rocky horror too) All the clothes looked great on the rack, mum and i chose at least 15 tops and dresses to try on and i was excited as mum was in a generous mood. As i made my way to the dressing rooms there where newspaper articles showing names such as Paris Hilton shop here when they come to Sydney so it must be awesome clothing. As i tried each item on i got more and more disappointed. everything was cheaply made and hung so wrong on my body, half of it being so flowing and having too much material making me look pregnant or just plain crap. I got so disappointed. As we walked out of the store i saw such a hot guy but then he pulled out a cigarette and he instantly became so much less attractive. Appearance is deceiving and that day reminded me that. Another thing that has been on my mind is the horrid weather. it better get better come social or ill be very upset. so yes random blog post. (Y) bye!