Random rant about everything

since the careers expo at MLC on Friday I've been thinking about my future and what i want to do with myself and my life a lot, maybe more then i should. i thought i would get nothing out of the expo but i did. before i walked into the car park where it was held and picked up flyer's and booklets of everything music, dance and photography related i didn't really think i could do much,  i had almost no options, i now have to many. at the moment I'm considering the following when i leave school:  1. audition for either music theatre or contemporary music course at AIM (Australian institute of music) and find a job to help support me. 2. JMC academy of popular music and performance or 3. CATC design school, enrol in a photography course, work towards photojournalism, have a part time job and work on forming a band in spare time. leaning more towards option 3 at the moment. who knows though. maybe even bartending could be cool as a job, since im a night owl, the hours would be perfect for me :)

i also really hope to do well with my ATAR even though the places i want to go to are all either audition or portfolio based i want to prove to myself that i can do well. the back of my door and walls are becoming covered in notes. i really need to clean my room, any takers? i often dream about my dream house or apartment. anything with a room purely for music with speakers, guitars, records, record player and awesome sound systems, a room full of books, lounge room, kitchen and bedroom filled with funky furniture and Polaroids photos all over the walls sounds good to me.
i hate being sick. loosing my voice and ability to sing is terrible. its so depressing not being able to sing.

one last thing. Nate is the best thing that's ever happened to me. and i love him. and that is the end of my rant for tonight :)

Love

Cutest things ever, i want. that is all

And everything is going to the beat

A big breather, a good long talk, a quiet think and a good cry are all you need sometimes to get your head and life back into the right space. i can do this, i can do the HSC. i finally have structure in my life. this year is all about ME and how well I can do. weather i do bad or not is entirely up to me. i feel normal again. i am absolutely excited and terrified of the next upcoming 5 months or so. i have the bad/scary stuff such as trials, hsc,assignments and endless hours of study but i also have to good such as last days of school ever, looking kick arse in the yr 12 jersey's, formal, schoolies, metallica concert and my amazing friends and boyfriend to keep me smiling and help me through it all. "I am the master of my fate, the captain of my soul" i am the only one who can make me entirely happy and I'm trying my best to do so. wish me luck.

Your words are like knives

I am dying. I know theres only six months left but I just don't think I'm cut out for this. I want this to be over. so long have i waited for the days of ease of no school. I sometimes question why i came to year 11 and 12. I guess to prove to myself that I can do it. and ive done better then I ever anticipated. i just want to break free of it all,

but i must admit finishing soon, the thought of it scares me slightly sometimes. I'm trying not to be so eh stuff this. i need some sort of new motivation.

just doing it isn't enough for me. i admire alot of my friends who are so insanely determined and hardworking. they don't know it but they are half the reason ive stuck my head in my books, clamped down on the keyboard to type up assessments and highlight every important key point in the mountains of notes we receive.

I Want To Break Free

"Were all gonna die......

...So let's get high"

I could do the things you say I do


I could go behind your back

I could sneak around

Smash your metallica cd and never give it back

I cold be lying every time I spoke to you

I could not mean every single I love you

I could have put no real thought into the gift I gave you

Just to get you of my back

I could just put you in my msn name

Just to give you a sense of security

I could have fooled around with every guy in my year

Just to piss you off

But the thing is I haven’t

But that doesn’t matter does it

You wont believe me anyway

Even if I showed you evidence

But this doesn’t have to be a court case

A constant battle for the truth

Because I fucking love you

And all I ask for in return, is that you love and trust me too