Bittersweet Memories

So it's happened, it's done. my schooling life is over. I graduated from year 12 just yesterday, it all happened so fast and even though it has hit me, im still somewhat in total disbelief. When i arrived yesterday i did not think i was going to cry, but i walked into school and saw a year 12 2010 banner and i started tear up and then when i saw all my friends and they started signing my shirt, i cried. once we got to assembly i was fine though. until the slide show begun and the kirsty and i cried together then for the end of year song my music group and i performed im yours, the whole year got up and clapped and sung along. i still couldn't believe this was our year, there graduating, it was surreal. it all went so fast and i really am going to miss seeing all my beautiful friends faces everyday. After the assembly i cried like the biggest cry baby ever, i was hugging everyone and telling them all how much i loved them. then everyone came back to mine to chill and hang by the pool after school one last time and i was fine until mum came home and said she had bought me a little something for graduation, a necklace with my name on it. then i cried again! It really is a bittersweet time because your happy that there is no more school and no more assignments and class work and annoying rules, but not seeing your friends on a day to day basis is the sad part and the fear of maybe loosing contact with them, though that's almost impossible these days thanks to phones and facebook but it is just that school is all that we have ever known and now it's time to make life exactly what we want it to be and we still have to rest of our lives ahead of us, out on our own. As much as i dislike school i will never forget the memories spent with all of my amazing friends. you have all made these past 6 years totally awesome :)  

              

Was It Something I Said?

no one loves me as much as I love them
no one cares for me as I care for them
this is why I spend the first nice weather day of spring at home, in a mist of a cloudy slumber
pondering my own thoughts
analysing every decision I have made, and if there has been any right ones
and if the people I drop everything for, are the people who deserve that from me.....

"Food for thought..."

The One That Got Away

Summer after high school when we first met
We make out in your mustang to radiohead
And on my 18th birthday we bought matching tattoos
Used to steal your parent's liquor and climb to the roof
Talk about our future like we had a clue


Never planned that one day i'd be losing you
In another life I would be your girl
We keep all our promises be us against the world
In another life I would make you stay
So I don't have to say you were the one that got away
The one that got away.......    

The Outside

stressed from HSC, pissed of from bitches at school and then coming home to a family that doesn't feel like a family, its a house that has a mum and dad that screams at its eldest child for no reason what so ever. im sick of crying. Im so glad i have a place to go, a place to escape to. your always there for me. your so insanely great. thank you.

The Runaways

Rock chicks = hottest things alive

Want,Love, Need

Raawwwrrrrr

Paramore = love

Rock n Roll Baby Don't you know that, were all alone now, i need something to sing about

Jump Then Fall...

Sometimes all i need is a sunny day, the house to myself, a can of coke and a day of playing nothing but Taylor Swift to put me on track again <3

I think we have an emergency..

It's happening again, I'm spiralling down,

back into that dark hole, a place i promised     

myself I'd never return, there's something

in me that keeps crawling back,i can never 

seem to fully shake it off, depression, it's

like it's always inside me, even when I'm

happy,deep down,somewhere, he's always

there. It seems that once you make friends

with darkness, you've made a friend for life.

No one seems to realise when the darkness

has crept back and when I need them most.

Being alone with darkness is the worst, there's

no one there to distract from him. Always a 

part of me. I wish he would go away, and

stay away....

I was alone, Falling free,
Trying my best not to forget 
What happened to us, 
What happened to me, 
What happened as I let it slip.

I was confused by the powers that be,
Forgetting names and faces.
Passers by were looking at me
As if they could erase it


Baby did you forget to take your meds?
Baby did you forget to take your meds?

I was alone, 
Staring over the ledge,
Trying my best not to forget
All manner of joy 
All manner of glee 
And our one heroic pledge

How it mattered to us,
How it mattered to me, 
And the consequences

I was confused,
By the birds and the bees
Forgetting if I meant it


And the Sex and the drugs and the complications
And the Sex and the drugs and the complications
And the Sex and the drugs and the complications
And the Sex and the drugs and the complications


I was alone,
Falling free,
Trying my best not to forget

Solitude Is Bliss

this weekend was a good one. got an opportunity to take a step back and look at were i am, were I've come from and were im going. a chance to slow down for a bit during such a busy time and think about things ive done........people can call me names and think what they want but guess what

fuck it
im young
you only live once
this is the time of my life
im meant to do stupid things
and learn from my mistakes
do some undignified things
and hopefully ,eventually become a better person later on because of it
so think what you want
judge all you wish
because i frankly dont give a shit

I used to be love drunk, but now im hungover

you always do this, this always happens. you cant admit when you have been a a tad harsh and cant admit that your wrong or not perfect, even with the smallest of things. im always wrong in your eyes. i hate that i still love you (god knows why) and i hate that you still have pull over me, and that i still think you will come and say sorry sooner or later because you never do and i hate how you can still bring me to tears. im not texting you to say anything further, i still have an unpaid $400 phone bill thanks to you and im not going to cry, because to many tears have been shed because of you.

Just gonna stand there and watch me burn?

"Maybe our relationship
Isn't as crazy as it seems
Maybe that's what happens
When a tornado meets a volcano
All I know is
I love you too much
To walk away "

“When we were five, they asked us what we wanted to be when we grew up.
Our things were answers like astronaut, president, or in my case,
princess…
When we were ten, they asked us again. We answered - rock star,
cowboy, or in my case, gold medallist… 
But now that we’ve grown up, they want a more serious answer. 
Well, how about this… Who the hell knows?  
This isn’t a time to make hard and fast decisions. This is the time to make
mistakes. Take the wrong train and get stuck somewhere chill. Fall in love - a
lot. Major in philosophy because there’s no way to make a career out of that.
Change your mind. Then change it again because nothing is permanent. So
make as many mistakes as you can. That way, someday, when they ask again
what we want to be…
We won’t have to guess. We’ll know.”

To cute and pretty to drink

    

   

"i cant explain it, or what i feel inside, when i see your face, i just seem to die. and im melting here tonight, as your gaze meets  mine,and the moonlight shining upon your face, flows so delicately with the slightest of grace. draping through the darkness to embrace this cold dark night... oh what id give, just to hold you near, i dont think youll ever quite know just how much my dear. but there'll forever be a placefor you right here in my heart.. in my heart"..

wow...that's all i have to say i guess

Ava Adore

i don't know what i feel towards anyone anymore.... everything is moving so fast. I don't know what i want, or what to do and it's driving me crazy. i don't want to dive into something again so quickly. i just got out of something messy and defiantly still need time to heal. it still hurts. i also don't know what i feel for that other person. argh life is so confusing, a never ending puzzle.

No getting over you

whenever it's you and me , everything's so dramatic. We have moments that seems like they have been scripted in a movie. you and me are either perfect or on the brink of insanity, one of the two extremes. i can't date you because we fight like crazy and i can't just be friends with you because of in insane amount of affection and feelings i have towards you that never ever seems to shake off. you drive me absolutely crazy, i don't know what it is. I can't seem to get you out of my head. i thought my feelings were gone but there obviously not. I don't know what I want, I don't know what I want. ah what to do what to do, I guess there's no getting over you....

Cassie :)

"oh..Totally"

"She said, hello mister
Pleased to meet ya
I want to hold her,
I want to kiss her,
She smelled the daisy, 
She smelled of daisy's,
She drive me crazy,
Gonna take her for a ride
on a big jet plane 
Gonna hold you,
Gonna be kissing in my arms "

Easier to Run

Eventually, when I save up enough, I'm going to pack up, get out, grab some friends and a camera, travel everywhere in a kombi van, get drunk,get high, have adventures and just leave this world behind.....

Im watching you..

..watch over me, and iv'e got...the greatest view from here <3

Used and abused

You didn't trust enough, i trusted too much. I'm not perfect, we all screw up, we all make mistakes. i not a sinner but I'm not a saint. I've made mistakes, I've done some stupid things, but it doesn't mean i should have to be punished for them forever. how come the person i have loved more then anyone was the hardest to be with and the messiest ending ever? why must i always fall for someone who is either pathetic or the situation is insanely complicated? why does everything have to be so hard? why must we be criticised for every time we make a mistake or a slip up? no matter how big or small that mistake is? what if you don't even do anything wrong yet people still assume and accuse? why must people do that? why can't people also admit that they are not perfect either?why must we all go through so much pain? why must my heat ache so much? why must i keep getting my heart repeatedly broken? why can't things stay good for a while when they actually do get good?  AM I NOT ALLOWED TO BE HAPPY FOR MORE THEN ONE DAY AT A TIME, must something ALWAYS HAVE TO COME UP! this is why i don't believe in god, and if he exists, he must hate me. life isn't fair, life is fucked.

Random rant about everything

since the careers expo at MLC on Friday I've been thinking about my future and what i want to do with myself and my life a lot, maybe more then i should. i thought i would get nothing out of the expo but i did. before i walked into the car park where it was held and picked up flyer's and booklets of everything music, dance and photography related i didn't really think i could do much,  i had almost no options, i now have to many. at the moment I'm considering the following when i leave school:  1. audition for either music theatre or contemporary music course at AIM (Australian institute of music) and find a job to help support me. 2. JMC academy of popular music and performance or 3. CATC design school, enrol in a photography course, work towards photojournalism, have a part time job and work on forming a band in spare time. leaning more towards option 3 at the moment. who knows though. maybe even bartending could be cool as a job, since im a night owl, the hours would be perfect for me :)

i also really hope to do well with my ATAR even though the places i want to go to are all either audition or portfolio based i want to prove to myself that i can do well. the back of my door and walls are becoming covered in notes. i really need to clean my room, any takers? i often dream about my dream house or apartment. anything with a room purely for music with speakers, guitars, records, record player and awesome sound systems, a room full of books, lounge room, kitchen and bedroom filled with funky furniture and Polaroids photos all over the walls sounds good to me.
i hate being sick. loosing my voice and ability to sing is terrible. its so depressing not being able to sing.

one last thing. Nate is the best thing that's ever happened to me. and i love him. and that is the end of my rant for tonight :)

Love

Cutest things ever, i want. that is all

And everything is going to the beat

A big breather, a good long talk, a quiet think and a good cry are all you need sometimes to get your head and life back into the right space. i can do this, i can do the HSC. i finally have structure in my life. this year is all about ME and how well I can do. weather i do bad or not is entirely up to me. i feel normal again. i am absolutely excited and terrified of the next upcoming 5 months or so. i have the bad/scary stuff such as trials, hsc,assignments and endless hours of study but i also have to good such as last days of school ever, looking kick arse in the yr 12 jersey's, formal, schoolies, metallica concert and my amazing friends and boyfriend to keep me smiling and help me through it all. "I am the master of my fate, the captain of my soul" i am the only one who can make me entirely happy and I'm trying my best to do so. wish me luck.

Your words are like knives

I am dying. I know theres only six months left but I just don't think I'm cut out for this. I want this to be over. so long have i waited for the days of ease of no school. I sometimes question why i came to year 11 and 12. I guess to prove to myself that I can do it. and ive done better then I ever anticipated. i just want to break free of it all,

but i must admit finishing soon, the thought of it scares me slightly sometimes. I'm trying not to be so eh stuff this. i need some sort of new motivation.

just doing it isn't enough for me. i admire alot of my friends who are so insanely determined and hardworking. they don't know it but they are half the reason ive stuck my head in my books, clamped down on the keyboard to type up assessments and highlight every important key point in the mountains of notes we receive.

I Want To Break Free

"Were all gonna die......

...So let's get high"

I could do the things you say I do


I could go behind your back

I could sneak around

Smash your metallica cd and never give it back

I cold be lying every time I spoke to you

I could not mean every single I love you

I could have put no real thought into the gift I gave you

Just to get you of my back

I could just put you in my msn name

Just to give you a sense of security

I could have fooled around with every guy in my year

Just to piss you off

But the thing is I haven’t

But that doesn’t matter does it

You wont believe me anyway

Even if I showed you evidence

But this doesn’t have to be a court case

A constant battle for the truth

Because I fucking love you

And all I ask for in return, is that you love and trust me too

....

"it’s not gonna be easy. It’s gonna be really hard. We’re gonna have to work at this every day, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, for ever, you and me, every day"
<3

Made My Day

http://www.iamawesome.com/

Brettaisagirl

Cool photographer/ drawer. Current obbsession