Feels like.. the music sounds better with you...

Been going to fair few concerts lately and have recently started practicing with a friend for my music performance and it's kind of brought me back. for a while i forgot what music meant to me. Music makes the world go around. it gets you through the bad times and makes the good times even better. It helps you express who you are. Ive been writing a lot of songs lately, and even if i never really make it i hope to be making music when i leave school, even if it's just a hobby on the side.

And I wonder
When i sing along with you
If everything could ever feel this real forever
If anything could ever be this good again

i can't stop thinking about you, and i know you cant stop doing the same. just knowing that much makes me happy and that's all i need right now......

Dragging Dead Bodies In Blue Bags Up Really Long Hills

.....that's what it felt like at times walking up the hills at yesterdays soundwave festival. the past week and a bit has been awesome. Last Sunday i saw Taylor swift live and she was amazing and put on great show, she was stunning,funny and just so talented. Then this Thursday i saw one of the worlds greatest rock bands ever...ACDC! the affects were amazing! they had a flipping train in the middle of the stage with devil horns! and for those about to rock they had real cannons! and for hells bells a giant old school bell with ACDC on it and Angus ran and jumped on its string and staring swinging on it! oh Angus young how i love you so, there all 50 yet they can still move like hell. Angus Young did a 15 minute guitar solo and at one stage he was on the floor, spinning around while playing guitar. i don't know how he does it, it was just wow... an experience i don't think ill ever forget.then this Sunday was SOUNDWAVVEE! one of the best days ever. i saw Alexisonfire, HIM, Paramore! (yes i was a few metres away from Hayley Williams), Escape the fate, AFI, Taking back sunday, Placebo! ah amazing. i got lifted up on peoples shoulders, was covered in permanent marker, walked around without a shirt on for msot of the day, and danced to placebo completely soaked in water thanks to the security people with free water and hoses. such a good day/night that i will never forget, oh did i mention that i met ESCAPE THE FATE?! yeap that's right, and when escape the fate saw that i had E.T.F written in permanent marker on my cleavage they smiled and went right oonnnnn ;) + *nods heads up and down in approval* YEAHH! even though i almost fainted from dehydration at the end of paramore and came home with no voice, dead legs, cut son my legs, hunger pains, headache from my cold, and a few kilo's less from all the walking, moshing and the amount of sweat loss it was all worth it, even if i had never felt so dead in my life.

Take time, to realize...

some people learn the hard way, I've been learning most things the hard way my whole life. yet at the same time I'm a very lucky person i have no idea why it's so hard for me to realise this most times. This afternoon i bought the book called The Simple Gift by Steven Herrick simply because i need it for my HSC course and had to write a thesis about it by tomorrow even though i had not yet read it. the most perfect song was playing as i entered the book store, Sway by the Kooks one of my all time favourites. Bought the book said good bye to friends came home sat down and read it within two hours since it was not a difficult read, although it was not very difficult it did not think a book i thought nothing of (especially after hearing many negative comments from students in class) that i could be one big reality check and attitude adjustment that i really have needed right now. I've needed a big kick up the arse and this happened to be it. the novel touched me. The carriage that was Bill's home for months remind me of the carriage i stayed in over night down in Woolongong especially when he said these carriages that would probably be sold for carriage motels, like the one i stayed in, that was all styled up classy cosy country style, the carriage i stayed in during the best Christmas of my life so far. it is only February yet i have stated so many times already that this year is starting terribly. Maybe a terrific ending to a year ensures a not so great start to a new one to remind you the harsh dark holes that we fall into during this thing that we call life. Bills story reminded me how fortunate i am, and how one can be a homeless 16 year old living in a carriage just enjoying the simplicity of life away from everything and everyone was a major reality check. i was falling more and more in love with the story with each page and it was so simple yet just so effective. As someone said to me tonight, your mood is a state of mind, if you want to be happy just try and be happy it's that simple. yes yes it is. Even though what i was told last night i hope forever will never get out to anyone more then it already has I'm going to hold my head up high. Stop feeling ugly all the time, there are many people less fortunate looking then i and sure my best friend is stunning but hey I'm going alright as well. Stop focusing on all the negativity that is around me, I'm not going to forget it is there because that is no good either that way nothing gets resolved but try and focus on it only when absolutely necessary. No more treating my body badly. i really let myself go this summer, i just didn't care any more. i used to have V's to wake me up every morning. no more. now it's cold bottle water which is good for my body and voice box which i need for singing for HSC. So turning a new leaf and i mean it this time i think Ive finally found myself. I have people that love and care for me and all these material things i do not really even need. one day when i do have my own house, job, possessions etc etc i will make sure that once a month i find my self an old carriage and live a penniless existence for a few days to bring myself back down to earth for a massive reality check.

Daydreaming

first weekend i have done basically nothing in a very very long time. since my computer was constantly stuffing up i indulged myself by watching all my favourite musicals and reading my new Yen magazine, which came with a fee CD, gotta love freebies (Y). been adding to my music library as always. recently downloaded an album called Ultraviolet by Kid Sister who is a gorgeous and wickedly cool chick from Chicago who is a bit pop/hip hop with some wicked beats. i have a bit of a girl crush her she is quite stunning. and the cover art is rather yummy too.

Also i am seeing Taylor Swift tonight as an early birthday present with my sister, I'm so excited i can't wait! i may faint because of her being so darn pretty. anyway random post also things are a bit better from that last Post of mine, sort of anyway adios.

Everything We Had

take me back to the simple days

it would be easier without any friends

it would be easier if you went already connected

it would be easier if you never got involved with anything or anyone

it would be easier because then you wouldn't have to hurt

it would be easier not being involved in conflict and being instantly a part of it simply because a good friend is

it would be easier if this heart didn't ache

it would be easier if i had nothing for goodness sake

but it's too late for any of that now.

but I'm going to try any way

stay away

sit alone

until people grow up

and get over the bitchiness

it's our last year, it's supposed to be our best

so far it's not turning out this way

Stay Away

i don't understand anything any more. as soon as you think you finally have everything figured out and your life's on track everything just stuffs up again. it's happening already. it's only the second month of the year and it's happening. I'm spinning, in a downwards spiral, back into that deep dark hole which took me so long to climb out of. even though i may not look upset all the time and i do experience genuine moments of being happy most days, it doesn't mean I'm any less depressed then i was that night before retreat i guess. it did improve for a while but it always creeps back. i feel ugly all of the time, no matter what the compliment i receive is. I'm not sad, being sad and being depressed are two completely different things. if your sad, you can get better after a a good talk with a friend and a nice cup of hot chocolate, but when your depressed it's always at the back of your mind, even when you don't realises it and always manages to creep back. i don't know why I'm feeling so crap all the time. maybe lack of sleep? who knows. all i do know is that I'm falling again, many recent things i have triggered it and i really wish i could get rid of this feeling....but i just can't.