Take time, to realize...

some people learn the hard way, I've been learning most things the hard way my whole life. yet at the same time I'm a very lucky person i have no idea why it's so hard for me to realise this most times. This afternoon i bought the book called The Simple Gift by Steven Herrick simply because i need it for my HSC course and had to write a thesis about it by tomorrow even though i had not yet read it. the most perfect song was playing as i entered the book store, Sway by the Kooks one of my all time favourites. Bought the book said good bye to friends came home sat down and read it within two hours since it was not a difficult read, although it was not very difficult it did not think a book i thought nothing of (especially after hearing many negative comments from students in class) that i could be one big reality check and attitude adjustment that i really have needed right now. I've needed a big kick up the arse and this happened to be it. the novel touched me. The carriage that was Bill's home for months remind me of the carriage i stayed in over night down in Woolongong especially when he said these carriages that would probably be sold for carriage motels, like the one i stayed in, that was all styled up classy cosy country style, the carriage i stayed in during the best Christmas of my life so far. it is only February yet i have stated so many times already that this year is starting terribly. Maybe a terrific ending to a year ensures a not so great start to a new one to remind you the harsh dark holes that we fall into during this thing that we call life. Bills story reminded me how fortunate i am, and how one can be a homeless 16 year old living in a carriage just enjoying the simplicity of life away from everything and everyone was a major reality check. i was falling more and more in love with the story with each page and it was so simple yet just so effective. As someone said to me tonight, your mood is a state of mind, if you want to be happy just try and be happy it's that simple. yes yes it is. Even though what i was told last night i hope forever will never get out to anyone more then it already has I'm going to hold my head up high. Stop feeling ugly all the time, there are many people less fortunate looking then i and sure my best friend is stunning but hey I'm going alright as well. Stop focusing on all the negativity that is around me, I'm not going to forget it is there because that is no good either that way nothing gets resolved but try and focus on it only when absolutely necessary. No more treating my body badly. i really let myself go this summer, i just didn't care any more. i used to have V's to wake me up every morning. no more. now it's cold bottle water which is good for my body and voice box which i need for singing for HSC. So turning a new leaf and i mean it this time i think Ive finally found myself. I have people that love and care for me and all these material things i do not really even need. one day when i do have my own house, job, possessions etc etc i will make sure that once a month i find my self an old carriage and live a penniless existence for a few days to bring myself back down to earth for a massive reality check.