Goodbye 09

Well well well, what a year! Ive learnt a lot of lessons, met some amazing people, experienced lots of new things and developed more as a person. I had an amazing Christmas. usually at Christmas when i see my dads side of the family i kind of sit there awkwardly and don't really enjoy myself even though there are all insanely nice but not this year i had a blast and i had a great new years too, being surrounded by people you love and enjoy being with, a bit of grog and an epic view of the fireworks is all you need. i hope my new years resolution works out, i only had a little midnight kiss last night so that's good i guess =] also I'm scared and excited as to what yet another year will hold....lets just hope i don't fall deep into another hole

Time to save me from myself

"I'm not in love, i just wanna be touched...i just want your kiss boy" -Kate Nash

That's what i used to be like, we all know i don't mind a few kisses at most parties i go and i like to make the most of being single (not that I'm a full on slut or anything but you get me?) but my faithful blog followers, i have a new years resolution. because of recent events Ive decided to rethink the way i can be sometimes, i know I'm a sexual person but i also just want to be loved, who doesn't? i want to find some one again who really cares about me but because i have been having meaningless fun while doing that i started to realise people must take me less seriously and because of that, see me as more a good time instead of girlfriend/lover material. So here is my new years resolution all, no more spin the bottle, kissing people for the fun of it etc I'm saving it all up for someone who cares. I'm not going to seek out someone to like, I'm not going to even consider dating someone unless they prove they really care about me or doing something romantic for me. i know it's cheesy but i just want to find some one who loves me for me again and be serious with someone, for a long time. I'm very excited about the few upcoming days leading up to new years, its jam packed i cant wait. i hope you all had a merry Christmas, did i mention mine was the best Ive ever had? ill explain in a later post. for now i must go....laters!

For Breadon :)

there you are my dear, just for you, i don't feel bad any more :) did yall know breadon is pretty darn rad? oh yea, he loves my blogfish too almost as much as i. did i mention his awesomeness? k thanks bye :)

Take me back to the age of innocence

Firstly, Merry Christmas everyone! i don't think I've been this excited for a Christmas since i found out Santa was not at all real. tonight me and my dear friend Alex have been reminiscing about childhood such as first albums, our favourite songs/singers, how much better 90's kid shows such as lamb chop, Mr squiggles, art attack, the original Pokemon series, Malcolm in the middle and all Aussie adventures where so much better then today's kids show (eg, Dora becoming a tween, what the hell is that?)and also remembering how we had to perfect everything for Santa and what happened when we found out that Santa Claus, dear old saint Nicholas was all a big lie. Do you remember the times of making sure everything was clean? making sure the warm milk and the plate of cookies and the carrots for his reindeer where perfectly set out on your coffee table? making sure your balcony door was unlocked so he could get in (or maybe that is just me since I've lived in units my whole life and never have had a chimney) and how you made the list for him and you tried to wrap your mind around how he could cross the world in just one night? WOW! i don't think ill ever forget the day i found out he wasn't real, friends at school told me and i remember i refused to believe and still wanted to so bad i had a big fight with Alicia and Jess about it. they where like, THEN HOW DOES HIS SLEIGH FLY? i replied...........erm..............um..............CHRISTMAS SPIRIT......yeah ah uh. then i went home and asked mum and she was like, yeah he's not. i was so upset and every year since that year 6 Christmas it wasn't as fun for me, pretending for my little sister and missing not knowing and realising that everything was changing for me but now that she knows too my whole family jokes around and goes ZOMG SANTA! YAY! and tease little Zian about it who just goes...=.= i know hes not real, then we go oh sure he is! don't say that! :D so now for once I'm as excited as i used to be as a little oblivious naive child, maybe also because this year has been insanely good and life changing and a big learning experience. Merry Christmas all, hope you enjoy it as much as me :)

them crooked vultures

People are weird. Today was a day full of mixed emotions, feelings, outbursts and surprisingly good times. to drive to burwood station, it takes 15, 20 minutes at the most but today two buses i was waiting around for public transport, it took two god damn hours witch put me in a bad mood to start of my day and because i was late i felt bad for Rachel as it was her birthday and i had delayed everyone, but it turned out we wern't very late after all so i cheered up a bit once we arrived and found everyone else at the beach, i also think the fact i barely ate all day put me in a bad mood also, but i bought the new Frankie magazine at bondi station so that upped my spirits a bit too. all in all a good day and on the train home, i told Sarah askew and Jana I'm glad we have been hanging out at lot more this summer because we never have previously and there real nice girls whom i now enjoy spending time with. there where just various things that happened today that kinda kept me down throughout the day. such various random weird things people do. like when i was late and running to the station at burwood, two leb guys yelled "RUN EMO RUN" because we all know in burwood if your not lass, or lebb and wear chuck taylors and actually have style, your emo. Also on my way home walking from the station there was a pretty obese man walking towards me,so i stepped to my left to let him pass by like i would any other human being but as i do so, he gave me a strange look then decided to walk into me and go EH!!! and bump me backwards with his mighty belly! it hurt! it was bizarre! i just had this stunned look on my face and an a elder man next to me was like, did you know him, my response NO! then he asked if i was okay then we agreed it was insanely absurd. this is a weird weird world.

My Paper heart

Well it's finally summer holidays and all is well so far, its been non stop since school finished Wednesday. Last night i hosted Axel an epic goodbye party, i was partying from 11.30am till 3am. started off with everyone at the pool nearest my house with the music pumping, random hot guys with epic tattoos joined us ;) and the weather was just prefect, we had soft drinks and food, my big havianna thong lilo, i didn't have to buy any food/grog/drink all day since everyone else supplied it (Y) then at about 4/5 some of those girls left then we all went up to my apartment more people came, all the boys brought the grog, we played tipsy sing star and partied all night, then me and Daniel dnm'd till 3am while our mothers where out haha :) was a good day and has really gotten me looking forward to this summer, a change is in the air....

Boulevard Of Broken Dreams

:S whyhmm yes well where to start. i think ill start at how i will fail hsc Ive been so insanely nervous it but ill hopefully pull through somehow. also i still cant believe what Mr galea said in that meeting yesterday when i said i didn't believe in god, "its very fashionable not believe in god Zara" thanks sir good to know you think i choose my beliefs based on weather it is "fashionable" or not. yeap good to know you think i am really that shallow that's just grand. there are four members of the opposite sex that are annoying me greatly. how am i to good for you? why do you STILL manage to annoy me? why must you be so on and off and why must you still say stuff like that even though its over? men i swear, and people wonder why there's so many lesbians in the world.

despite that stuff life's going pretty alright i suppose, had an epic pool day at mine and have some really good events coming up, I'm so pumped for New Years at mine it will be grand, Casey's party was good also, court's slr camera ensured great results. speaking of slr's i get to borrow a friends one for the holidays, start my art major work i cant wait to use it =]

Out dated and Over rated

with so many beautiful people in the world, how can one feel good about themselves? Today i saw a picture of a girl i know and it was simply stunning, it made me want to seriously just slit my own neck. with so many people in this world it so hard to feel special. also I'm currently disliking being alone quite a lot. its a lot easier being single when you haven't had someone before, or a really good relationship that ends for reasons that just suck that either of you can really help i guess. but i am starting to like someone again and i don't really know what to do *sigh* i just miss having someone there i guess, like you always have your friends but sometimes you miss that someone who can say i love you and mean it, call you beautiful even if you don't believe them and get really excited when you see them and to put your arm around when you wake up in the mornings......

Rollercoaster, without the saftey bar

As soon as you feel your on top of the world again, a series of unfortunate events bring you down again. i feel invisible. Being home alone is just peachy when your sad (sarcasm that is you know just in case you didn't notice like no one noticed today)i hope everyone enjoys the silent treatment tomorrow k thanks bye

Broken Hearted Girl

Something insanely unbelievable happen the other day, a tragedy. I actually shed a few tears when i found out, I'm not even sure i want to repeat it but here it goes *gulp* The love of my life Jensen Ackles has recently become engaged to Daneel Harris. WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY. Me and Jensen are just made for each other, yes i know hes 15 or so odd years older then me and we have never met but no one obsesses over him like i do. It's just not fair, I'm just going to have to pretend hes single when i fantasise and when i was single there was still that slight chance ah.. Jensen if she hurts you , you know who to call and i will still love you, just slighty less now, but that's still a truck load

I Feel Infinite

One of the few good things that has happened previously is a swap of goodies with Amie.I Gave her one of my favourite books and my Micheal Jackson Rolling Stone magazine to read and she gave a Led Zeppelin concert DVD and two books to borrow, The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho ( witch i am halfway through) and The Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky witch i finished within the first few days of receiving it and i LOVE it. The main character has the most amazing music taste and its such a good story. I seriously couldn't put it down, even during my breaks at dancing i would pull it out and continue even if i only got a page more read. There was a poem inside it witch i want to share,it's a little long but worth the read;


Once on a yellow piece of paper with green lines
he wrote a poem
and he called it "Chops"
because that was the name of his dog
and that's what it was all about
and his teacher gave him an A
and a gold star
and his mother hung it on the kitchen door
and read it to his aunts
that was the year Father Tracy
took all the kids to the zoo
and he let them sing on the bus
and his little sister was born
with tiny toenails and no hair
and his mother and father kissed a lot
and the girl around the corner sent him a
Valentine signed with a row of X's
and he asked his father what the X's meant
and his father always tucked him in at night
and was always there to do it


Once on a piece of white paper with blue lines
he wrote a poem
and he called it "Autumn"
because that was the name of the season
and that's what it was all about
and his teacher gave him an A
and asked him to write more clearly
and his mother never hung it on the kitchen door
because of its new paint
and the kids told him
that father Tracy smoked cigars
and left butts on the pews
and sometimes they would burn holes
that was the year his sister got glasses
with thick lenses and black frames
and the girl around the corner laughed
when he asked her to go see Santa Claus
and the kids told him why
his mother and father kissed a lot
and his father never tucked him in bed at night
and his father got mad
when he cried for him to do it

Once on a paper torn from his notebook
he wrote a poem
and he called it "Innocence: A Question"
because that was the question about his girl
and that's what it was all about
and his professor gave him an A
and a strange steady look
and his mother never hung it on the kitchen door
because he never showed her
that was the year that Father Tracy died
and he forgot how the end
of the Apostle's Creed went
and he caught his sister
making out on the back porch
and his mother and father never kissed
or even talked
and the girl around the corner
wore too much makeup
that made him cough when he kissed her
but he kissed her anyway
because that was the thing to do
and at three A.M he tucked himself into bed
his father snoring soundly


That's why on the back of a brown paper bag
he tried another poem
and he called it "Absolutely Nothing"
because that's what it was really all about
and he gave himself an A
and a slash on each damned wrist
and he hung it on the bathroom door
because this time he didn't think
he could reach the kitchen

That last paragraph stuck with me especially..

Also dearest Roxy let me borrow Russell Brand's My Booky Wook witch i have started and it is hilarious, in sighting and also kind of sad some of the stuff that happened in his youth.It's made me fall in love with him even more, but of course he is with Katy Perry now isn't he (why are all my men being snatched up! :[ there are photos of him throughout his life and everything he looked immensely different as a child. people underestimate Russel. hes overcome quite a lot.

Splash and Dash

Today was quite the awesome. Went to the Beach with Steph+Axel+Jay. the beach was beautiful, everything was awesome. tanning while listening to Bob Marley oh yeah, i finally got some colour! no more I'm a white pommy look for me! I am also curious as to how our disposable camera shots are going to turn out =]

also i am sorry for i have not blogged in ages. my darn computer has been broken i almost died. i had so many thoughts bouncing around inside my head and so much Ive wanted to blog about. i don't know what i did with most of my thoughts before blogging.it's a good head space. i will update you on events and glorious findings and literature and events that have happened over the past few weeks, but for now i must depart, ciao!

He Is The Cheese To My Macaroni

"In my opinion the best thing you can you do is find a person who loves you for exactly what you are. Good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty, handsome what have you, the right person will still think the sun shines out of your ass. That's the kind of person that's worth sticking with."

That's what i need to find.....

Also social was the shit. So much better then i expected same with my after party it was so much fun. everyone was so good and showed me the love for such a good night, and telling me i have the coolest mum, some of them still cant believe she was there mixing drinks for us all ahah =]

Ive also re-fallen in love with converse photography, its just the coolest. here is some of my fav pics i have found these holidays <3

Never Judge A Book By It's Cover

A few days ago my mum sister and i enjoyed a lovely lunch at Paddington Arms pub on oxford street. We went along oxford street to find a funky clothing store named Rif Raf (and yes the name reminds me of rocky horror too) All the clothes looked great on the rack, mum and i chose at least 15 tops and dresses to try on and i was excited as mum was in a generous mood. As i made my way to the dressing rooms there where newspaper articles showing names such as Paris Hilton shop here when they come to Sydney so it must be awesome clothing. As i tried each item on i got more and more disappointed. everything was cheaply made and hung so wrong on my body, half of it being so flowing and having too much material making me look pregnant or just plain crap. I got so disappointed. As we walked out of the store i saw such a hot guy but then he pulled out a cigarette and he instantly became so much less attractive. Appearance is deceiving and that day reminded me that. Another thing that has been on my mind is the horrid weather. it better get better come social or ill be very upset. so yes random blog post. (Y) bye!

Slide Through My Fingers

Holidays, finally. Alot has happened since my last exam on Thursday morning. the last four days in particular. Had Amie's Alice in wonderland parity witch was a bast then Belinda's piss up that night, mum got a bit mad when she picked me up and i reeked of vodka but ah well :) haha. Last night at Maria's was rather interesting, i forgot how sleazy some guys can be, its rather gross. Guys who say stuff like that to chicks (when they have girlfriends to i might add) need their dicks removed. I got a new phone , ABOUT TIME. Ive been waiting since Christmas! its a sexy lil blue web slider and i love love love it. <3

I also told him what Ive been meaning to for a while. i love how when you pour your heart out all you get is, "ok". hes currently on the other side of the world and he still manages to annoy me.

Pocketful Of Sunshine

I cleaned room again today, it's going to take me weeks to go through everything but I'm almost there. Buried in the piles of forgotten memories i found old birthday invites that have been kept, photographs and cheapo birthday cards from as long ago as year 8, we still continue that tradition today (I made Courtney a kick arse one for her birthday just recently =])While going through ll these they reminded me how much can change in just a few years, but also what stays the same. The friends that have stayed from the very beginning, even if there has been periods of not talking to each other and the ones who you knew deep deep down from the beginning you would later ask, why are we friends?"Things fall out of place so better things fall together" I must always remember that quote because it has proven to be true over and over again. Ive been in such a good mood recently it's quite good, i think its the fact the sunshine is back. An other thing, i got my Soundwave tickets in the mail two days ago I'm SO excited you have no idea.

Oh and friends, I have a new love. His name is Jacob Ring. He is a Sydney photographer and his pictures are amazing (to me anyway) Here's a few of my favourites, enjoy.

Morning Glory

When i looked outside my window this morning i thought the Apocalypse had come or a bomb had been dropped or something, it scarred the shit out of me. But all in all a good day i guess. went pretty alright in my exams and they went so quickly, witch is good. then fell asleep on Meghan's bed :) I'm excited for the weekend that exams finish, Thursday and Friday is me and Mel's Disney movie marathon, then three parities the rest of the weekend to celebrate yiew.

Don't Stop Believing

Glee was so so so good. I went to watch it at Emily's Thursday. it reminded me how much i love singing and dancing how good it makes me feel. Lifes been good, minus a stupid person on Friday who decided to tell me she doesn't like me at the most random and inappropriate time, apparently she thought i was being sarcastic to her, clearly shes an idiot because i was being nice for once. But on a brighter note :D danced at the club Friday night witch is always fun, studied for a bit today then watched some of the illegal DVDs mum smuggled back,(i love you illegal Thailand DVD makers ahaha) then hung out with Emily all day, love that girl we always have fun,and sorry for running after you today Anthony, but you had your ipod in :) haha. i got 150 buks this weekend, so soundwave tix are paid for (Y) :) i just hope i do well in my exams, fingers crossed people *crosses her fingers and toes*

The World At Large

Today in design and technology i had to get all my thoughts down on paper, i wrote a massive note that said the following -

I cant do this anymore, i have no idea why i went to year 11. I'm not a morning person,i cant wake up so early and being tired all day does not help my mood or concentration, i cant work with structure and deadlines, school is to repetitive and structural,I don't know i just cant work this way and being so tired all the time makes me even more lazy then id normally be. The only reason I'm currently here is so i can see my friends everyday and because i feel that if i drop out, i would feel so bad of wasting mums money on a new uniform and almost another year off school fees, i don't deserve this, not one little bit. the only thing I'm good at is writing songs, singing and dancing and they happen to be the hardest things to make a career out of, trust. i should have dropped out in year 10, that would have been the smart thing to do, not think oh its okay ill be fine, I'm doing subjects i like but no, the lines for the subjects were gay and i had to do dnt along with art and music, am i fucking retarded?

i have NO idea what made me think i could do this and like i said before about one reason for me being here is my friends, well school is ruining my friendships to, because people cant grow up and keep their mouths shut. I cant remember the last time i woke up on a school day happy and the last time i had a day at school when i was in a genuine good mood all day. I don't deserve to be here and i currently don't want to be here and cant function here so why on earth should i spend a minute in this place? Being tired all the time makes my head cloudy, so i can barely remember what i learn even if I'm actually interested. and people will probably say well go to bed early well i try and i cant, i swear i have insomnia or something. The only thing I'm good at are the "talents" i mentioned before and also having people skill sand being a gutsy and loyal friend, but where will that get me in life?I shouldn't be here, this is probably the year that Ive resented school the most, i mean this is the first year that Ive actually jigged school. Ive also been sick the past week or so, right before the exams , worst timing in the world specially since the only exam i care about is my music performance and i cant practice for it because i cant sing with this cold.

i don't know what to do, stay and be unhappy, most likely fail anyway so its pretty much a waste of my parents money anyway or, leave, find something I'm good at but i just don't want to make my parents to think that their daughter is an absolute failure, all though they probably already do. what the fuck am i supposed to do. Ive never been in such a fucked up situation before. Ive been sleeping in mums bed this past week while shes been away on holiday while my dad and sis have been occupying the lounge room. My room reminds me of school and all my other worries. I'm so fucking confused. fml fml fml fml FML!

I used to be such a positive and happy person, i have no idea were that girl has gone.

I'm so stressed about everything, why cant people get along? Why cant people just stop holding grudges likes 5 year olds? How come people don't have real reasons for not talking to people anymore? high school is an insane mad house that i should have left as soon as i had the chance. the way gossip spreads this year is insane, i don't know who to trust anymore or what to believe.

A question i keep getting asked lately (and one i hate discussing) is "So, what do you want to do when you leave school?" Honestly all i want to do is form a band, sing Rock out and write music, but that sounds silly to most so i reply with a "Oh I'm not exactly sure yet?" then you get the whole "Oh well you better figure it out soon" here's what gets me every time......

HOW ON EARTH ARE WE SUPPOSED TO HAVE OUR WHOLE LIFE PLAN SORTED OUT BY 16? Why do we have to know exactly the career path we want to take instead of having a few ideas in mind? why do we have to do this while were in high school and are trying to figure out who the fuck we are and what it is we want in the first place and trying to fit in with this fucked up society? fuck the system. that's all i have left to say.

Oh except this one thing, the only good thing that has happened recently is that Roxy lent me the book "Dead Until Dark" by Charlaine Harris, witch is the first books that the awesome show True Blood is based on. i love it.

Shove It

I think the king of pop MJ gt it right by making his best friends children and mannequins. when your older is so much harder to trust people, you cant trust anyone these days. as soon as things started getting normal today was just....i don't even know. I'm glad me and Fran had a good talk in ancient and i had a massive cry and just let it all out. i had the most awesomest art lesson with Kristie this arvo though, we cleaned up the entire art sink for miss and made a massive hand print and finger painting spectacular :) then my afternoon was good to, until someone said something annoyed me greatly. But I'm not telling her, I'm sure she's just being honest but it was NOT a good time. No a good day today at ALL.

Cant Stop

I cried again tonight, i cant believe how much this i killing me. i really should avoid watching romantic movies like twilight like i did tonight, that was the stupidest thing i think Ive ever done. i didn't even think that watching a movie all about love would affect me. then i saw his facebook status "I'm loving Finland, i might never leave lol" My head was screaming, where is the dislike button!!!!!!! Then it also started thinking, how dare he make me fall in love with him right before he leaves, how dare he joke about that, how dare he leave me and turn me into the mess i currently am. stupid and harsh thoughts they were, its not his fault i know that but i couldn't stop thinking that for a few minutes. then the waterworks sprang a leak again. I hate this. I'm such a mess, i never thought id act this badly, I'm fine when I'm with friends. but when its late at night and I'm alone, it gets to me soo much. when its late at night and I'm alone I'm craving his company so much, i crave any human contact at all. Ive decided next weekend i am going to arrange a big girly sleepover at my house so I'm never alone, were going to watch comedies and horror movies, NO romances. none whats soever. i think i could do with a night with the girls....

Whatever It Is

yesterday feels like a million years ago. yes it was only yesterday like all of year 11 finally gave those disgusting whore stalker year 9 girls a piece of our minds. it was epic :). yesterday was a good day, i thought id was actually to going to be okay with the fact that hes now gone. i received a bunch of random complements, i got told i was looking really good, that i had the best taste in music and that i was a really cool person in general. i was feeling the love and thinking, I'm going to be fine. but then today was COMPLETELY different. i got two hours sleep last night, my insomnia has become worse since hes left. i got two hours sleep last night so i was exhausted and looked like a pale ghost. this morning while at my bus stop i rembmerd that time he came over and when we were waiting there, its so sad i couldn't help it. i felt like crap all day, and when that nail went into my knee in design and technology and i teared up and went even more pale, well that did not help either, not mention period pain.

although i had a really good conversation with a mate i thought that wasn't a very deep person and did int have much too him, turns out he does....i love late night dnm's

Golden Touch

Went to send Phil and Simon off at the airport today, everything was fine. when it was finally time for them to go i gave Phil a hug said id miss him then grabbed Simon and he held me so close to him, showering me with kisses and whispering how much he will miss me in his ear and how he will still talk to me while hes gone. i slipped his letter in the side pocket of his bag and said wait till you get on the plane, chances are hes read it by now. i hope he liked it. I'm just glad ill have Phil back in two months, when Simon's gone for about 6. I also officially love Phil's little brother Mathew, he said i looked like Lilly Allen, i was like naw babe haha :)

i didn't cry at the airport, he didn't see my tear at least, but i cried most of the car trip home, then when i got home i wasn't even thinking about it and i just started bawling my eyes out.

Single again, he's gone. I'm going to miss him so much, i know the time will probably fly by, and my friends are here for me and that ill live but for now ill just have to let all my tears roll out of me......

Black Tounge

Today's weather was absolutely gorgeous, every time there is lovely weather like this i feel blessed to bare wittiness to such a glorious sight. i wish this weather was permanent it makes me feel so much happier and optimistic. I'm so excited for so much coming up stuff. I'm going to have the two Best dates to social, Kristian my man and Meghan my wifey =]. and if I'm going to Meghan's formal Ive decided I'm going in a tux and say "clearly, i wear the pants in the relationship....Meghan's the belt" I'm a funny one yes yes i know *flicks hair*

I'm also happy because i finally have a new book to read, i read almost every night and when i had every book i own and some even 3 times over i was getting upset, but then Stephie.d lent me "The Duchess" and I'm loving it. a biography on the Duchess Georgina in the 1700's its rather fascinating and i realised I'm in desperate need to go book shopping ( I'm currently DYING to grab Kurt Cobain Unseen) and yes to some reading this blog you must be thinking......Zara Hawthorne...................reads? yes behind my consent stupidity, clumsiness and mind in the gutter humour i actually truly enjoy literature.

I wish sometimes i lived in the future and it took about two seconds to get to peoples houses. i wish i could do that because there is a friend of mine that could really use a massive hug right about now. i hate it when my friends are depressed and i feel like i cant do anything about it.

I'm looking forward to Saturday though, last time I'm going to see him before i go off to the airport with him on Tuesday, five more days, i wonder how ill cope. I'm going to miss him so much. I'm writing him a letter to read on the plane though :) i hope he likes it.

I'm also currently addicted to the song "Red Wine Lips" by Lisa Mitchell. I love her album Wonder, i highly recommend it.

Dearest Roxanne =]

My dear English friend wrote me a beautiful sonnet in her blog that made me smile so much. she is such a lovely girl with a beautiful face and soul and brains to go with it all. your an amazing girl and i hope your my friend for many many long years to come <3

Move Along

Pretty sure I'm the most awesomest best friend ever. I'm so pumped for Soundwave best line up EVER. then when my Meghan said "i can't go i have to pay for schoolies and stuff" i was like OH NO YOU DON'T, and since her 18Th birthday is around the same time i decided to buy her a ticket for her birthday, tis going to be an awesome day, pretty sure the highlights will be

Paramore

Escape the Fate

Alexisonfire

My Chemical Romance

Taking Back Sunday

AFI

HIM

All Time Low

The Devil Wears Prada

Comeback Kid

Oh my god I'm so pumped it's insane .....AND Ive also got tickets for AC DC. Love Casey My babeh for that one <3

Also my Love for Tyson Ritter has grown even stronger since seeing him perform on Rove last night SHIRTLESS, covered in glitter and in peach skinny leg jeans, can you say hot-to-trot!?

and when he started licking the strings of the guitar i instantly said "I WANT TO BE THAT GUITAR!" Ah love life :)

Karma Police

"Ive given all i can but its not enough"

i never want this weather to end. i went to harbored beach yesterday with miss Chloe and just layed on the sand in the sun watching the waves while we catted for hours, was so nice. then fish and chips at Dee Why kudos to her bro for the lift there and shouting us :) and Chloe's stack at bowling was freaking awesome ahaha.and pretty sure Simon's auntie Cathy is awesome, she likes British India, WOO ahahha. and Breadon, i don't jump the gun i just....have high expectations that get crushed :D haha


oh and the shit that goes on behind closed doors, the stuff i hear about people i know these days is crazy. i witness so many mistakes by many friends of mine. it makes me think maybe what I'm doing is a big mistake, or maybe that's just me being silly again......

but you seemed so distant last night and this morning. i felt a hint of boredom or just not caring. it cut me.

Apple Of The Eye

Ah what a weekend. finally, nice beautiful summer weather, everything today was just gorgeous thanks to the sun. i spent all day in the sun, having a picnic, tennis and swim with my family and cousins. last night i went to something with numbers with Meghan, Brandon, Breadon, Jose, Emma and Pippa and it was pretty ace, even though Jose and breadon got kicked out :( breadons drunken dancing made me lol hehe =] and Friday night i stayed over at the bf;s, and Chloe came over for a bit (Y). i had a good night with him like i always do.

such a nice weekend, and something with numbers are awesome live.

Beautiful....

I was so unique
Now I feel skin deep
I count on the make-up to cover it all
Crying myself to sleep cause I cannot keep their attention
I thought I could be strong
But it's killing me
Does someone hear my cry?
I'm dying for new life

I want to be beautiful
Make you stand in awe
Look inside my heart,
and be amazed
I want to hear you say
Who I am is quite enough
Just want to be worthy of love
And beautiful
Sometimes I wish I was someone other than me
Fighting to make the mirror happy
Trying to find whatever is missing
Won't you help me back to glory

i hate those low self esteem days

Bohemian Like You

You know those days when everything is just right, its a nice day outside, you find the perfect outfit for the party for later that night and your I-tunes seems to be reading your mind and playing exactly what you want it to? today is one of those days, i Love it when my I-tunes reads my mind :). for tonight i have teamed a blue and black tie die bubble dress, stockings and converse, it looks epicly cool (oh and my black beanie of course). Ive only been awake for an hour and a half and i feel so bubbly and happy, its really random =]. i want more chucks, i think for Christmas and my birthday I'm going to request nothing but new converse. i want the Kurt Cobain ones i found on google *drool*

"I'll Never Let This Go....

......but i cant find the words to tell you" i wont, i really don't want to. I loved last night, a nice relaxing night to end the stressful week Ive had. everything you said and did last night was pretty much everything i wanted to hear and wanted you to do. although i am quite sick today thinking about last night has been keeping my mood up all day. when i got home from school today i watched a whole season of sex and the city, and while i was i wonderd, do all our relationships have to be so.........................complicated? sure relationships all have their ups and downs but watching all the dramas in the show this afternoon made me realise how actually uncomplicated mine is, even though hes going away its still pretty smooth sailing witch is pretty good. i just wish relationships with everyone could just be smooth, its our last few years of school for crying out loud...why cant people just swallow their words and be nice to everyone.

I miss the old days....

.....But i also love the new ones

Map Of The Problematique

Again, you acted immature and spoke to me like i was a fucking 5 year old. i cannot believe you flipped out over that, i did nothing wrong, i don't know why i spill tears over you. As much as i hate not talking to you and being mad at you i have to as much as it kills me inside. i think Ive started to like you a whole lot more then Ive been able to realise, i notice it most when we fight.

life is never what you expect it to be, it continuously throws surprises at you and they throw you off course. i wish i knew what life is going to throw at me next to further complicate my already very twisted and complex life, yes people its a lot fucked up then i let on , you have no idea.

i was also reading a friends blog and in it, it said "i wish i could say i am a normal teenager but I'm not", well i don't think there is such thing as a normal teenager anymore, what is normal these days? if its out there i don't think I'm familiar with it, because me and my close friends we are anything but ordinary, so don't worry dear not many of us would not be familiar with that term "normality" anymore

and here we go again

again! really why! when i saw you this afternoon you looked so happy and healthy! i was so proud, but now Ive become so disappointed again. you just got back, now your out again, why do you keep doing this to yourself? your such a good kid at heart.

fuck, it just hit me how much i am going to miss a certain someone when they leave soon. you know when things just randomly hit you and you ......crack? that just happened this second. fml fml fml, I'm so breakable at times


aaalex&sille♥ ;; says:
*it will be okay
honestly,
*i know you,
it will be okay
*steal his clothes
it will be okay!
*and besides
hes not gone yet!
*awex doesnt like to hear that zawas crying,
*zawas to pretty to be crying

this is why i love you :)

Long Way To Happy

Last day of the holidays. Back to school tomorrow, *shoots herself*. i really do not want to go back, this is probably the most Ive resented going back. Ive just had the best holidays and I'm just so over the concept of school, specially since Ive been hanging out with a lot of people who have finished school already. makes me just want to fast forward.

since it would take me days to tell you every awesome moment of the awesome holiday Ive had to use some pictures to show you instead, they do say pictures are worth a thousand words